FYI: Putting The DIA And Coneys Together Makes The Best Art Ever

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In 2006, a (then) twelve-year-old boy made headlines when he stuck a gooey glob of Wrigley’s Extra Polar Ice on Helen Frankenthaler’s The Bay, which the Detroit Institute of Arts valued at $1.5 million. The gum left a stain. The Bay, ironically, looks like a polar blue stain, too.

The Bay by Helen Frankenthaler. Without the gum, with a coney. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts.
The Bay by Helen Frankenthaler. Without the gum, with a coney. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts.

I like to imagine the boy still holds the record of “Coolest Kid Ever,” much to the chagrin of his embarrassed square-as-hell parents. He is most likely about 21-years-old now, so to all the bartenders reading this, drinks are on YOU.

The priceless masterpiece was successfully cleaned and restored, but the damage was done. Nothing afterwards could stop our rampant imaginations from defacing other DIA works, with something much meatier than gum. Coneys.

1. Old Man Relives High School Glory When He Catches The Coney At The Demon’s Endzone

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Job Tormented By His Wife and By Demons by Lucas Emil, the Elder Vorsterman. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts

2. Sacrificing One For The Team

Watson And The Shark by John Singleton Copley. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts.
Watson And The Shark by John Singleton Copley. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts.

3. Sacrificing A Coney To The Rain Gods

Indian Telegraph by John Mix Stanley. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts
Indian Telegraph by John Mix Stanley. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts

4. Jesus Multiplies Coneys

The Last Supper Founders Society Purchase, Octavia W. Bates Fund. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts
The Last Supper. Founders Society Purchase, Octavia W. Bates Fund. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts



5. Three Women See The Same Mirage

Scene From Macbeth by William S. Rimmer. Photo Courtesy: Detroit Institute of Arts.
Scene From Macbeth by William S. Rimmer. Photo Courtesy: Detroit Institute of Arts.

6. Van Gogh Was Starving For A Coney

Bank Of The Oise At Auvers by Vincent Van Gogh. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts.
Bank Of The Oise At Auvers by Vincent Van Gogh. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts.

7. Everyone Surprised To Find A Coney When Man Opens Grandson’s Diaper

The Circumcision by Parmigianino. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts.
The Circumcision by Parmigianino. Photo: Detroit Institute of Arts.

8. Under The Magic Coney Tree

Under The Trees By Max Pechstein. Photo: Detroit Institute Of Arts.
Under The Trees By Max Pechstein. Photo: Detroit Institute Of Arts.

DIA offers free admission for residents of Macomb, Oakland and Wayne county. For more information about the DIA, visit their website and Facebook.

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